Introduction

As a parent, it is natural to want your adult children to respect you, especially after years of building a relationship. However, gaining respect from your adult children can be challenging, especially if the foundation of trust and respect was not established in their formative years. In this article, we will explore the importance of setting an ethical example and the strategies you can use to regain respect from your adult children.

Understanding the Loss of Respect

Before diving into the strategies for regaining respect, it is crucial to understand why the respect was lost in the first place. Reflect on your past actions and identify any behaviors that might have contributed to the loss of trust and respect. Consider the following points:

Consistency in treatment: Do you treat everyone with fairness and respect, or do you have different standards for different people? Modeling behavior: Are your actions aligned with your values and the principles you teach your children? Trust and honesty: Do you maintain a high level of integrity in all aspects of your life? Emotional involvement: Are your children overly emotionally involved with the issue, making it difficult for them to see things from a rational perspective?

Strategies for Reclaiming Respect

Once you have identified the reasons for the loss of respect, it is time to take action. Here are some strategies to help you regain the respect of your adult children:

Model Respectful Behavior Consistently

The most effective way to earn respect is by consistently demonstrating respectful behavior. Children, even at an early age, are observant and learn by example. Here are some tips:

Treat everyone with kindness, respect, and empathy, including waitstaff, friends, and relatives. Admit your mistakes and take responsibility for your actions. Be consistent in your treatment of others and in your disciplinary actions. Communicate openly and honestly with your children, even when discussing difficult topics.

Reacting to Disrespect

When your adult children exhibit disrespect, it can be tempting to react emotionally. However, it is essential to maintain your composure and model the behavior you want to see:

Stay calm and composed, even in the face ofNAME-CALLING or other forms of disrespect. Use “I” statements to express your feelings, such as “I feel hurt when you call me names.” Avoid escalating the situation by talking in a calm, respectful tone.

Cyber Evaluations and Long-Distance Behavior

Digital communication has changed the dynamic of parent-child relationships. Here are some tips for maintaining respectful behavior in the digital age:

Consider the impact of your words before sending an email or posting a message. Avoid public shaming or making rude comments online. Source of truth: Establish a clear and honest communication channel with your adult children.

Case Study: My 28-Year-Old Son

One example of my personal experience is my 28-year-old son. He was extremely disrespectful about 6 months ago, culminating in a tirade of 20 minutes of name-calling and threats. Despite his outburst, I maintained a calm and respectful demeanor:

I told him to do what he thought was right in a calm voice. Later, when I picked him up to take him to the airport, he was crying, but this was considered progress.

Conclusion

Rebuilding trust and respect with your adult children is a long-term process that requires patience, consistency, and self-reflection. By modeling respectful behavior, avoiding emotional reactions, and maintaining clear communication, you can begin to earn the respect of your adult children. Remember, there are no do-overs, but every effort you make will create a positive impact on your relationship.