Conception and Family Dynamics: Reflecting on My Accidental Origins

I discovered a daunting truth about my conception when my mother shared it with others without my consent. Initially, I was filled with anger. Not only had she shared information that was inappropriate, but she did so in a way that felt extremely personal and disrespectful. My father's response was equally disappointing, leaving me with a mix of frustration and confusion. He had no satisfactory answer to why he didn't choose adoption, and the two of us were sent out of the house. Despite my anger and hurt, my parents chose to keep me and did their best to raise me, proving that intentions and actions matter more than the circumstances of my birth.

Accidental Conception and Life After

I laughed when I learned that my suspicions about being an accident were true. My mother was on birth control when she got pregnant with me, but she admits she wasn't very careful. She wanted to have kids eventually and ended up with two more sons who were also conceived as 'accidents'. My mother's lessons about birth control failed her, and her choice not to have her tubes tied delayed for my younger brother. Eventually, she decided to act. After my brother was born, my mother told my father he wouldn't have sexual contact until he got his tubes tied.

Accident or planned, my parents made the decision to keep me. They dealt with the challenges and hardships that came with raising three sons and a daughter. Whether through birth control failure or intentional family planning, the outcome was the same – I was welcomed into the family. I have the same parents who nurtured me and raised me, and I wouldn't know the difference even if they had put me up for adoption. What matters is the love they provided and the decision to keep me.

Family Background and Differences in Conception

My parents were married when I was conceived, and the wedding was a grand affair with a double Catholic ceremony, plenty of laughter, and considerable emotional instability. The priest mistakenly married my aunt to both of the men, leading to a series of chaotic events and an unstable household atmosphere. One of my biological fathers, the relationship between my mother and him was tumultuous and violent. He was a bipolar jazz trumpet player who took drugs and refused to take his medication, acting as an excellent musician but a dangerous person. My other uncle had a black bear as a pet, which added to the already chaotic environment.

Both men were not reliable providers and provided no financial support or security to their "planned" children. They were con men, and my mother and her new husband rescued me and my cousins. I grew up very close to my grandmother but had limited contact with my biological father. My cousins were adopted by the new husbands of their mothers, while I was protected from the dangerous environment. Being planned or unplanned didn't impact whether I was adopted or not, as the choice of my parents to raise me was the pivotal decision.

Reflecting on my life, I don't see a significant difference in the success or stability of my life as a result of whether I was planned or not. What truly matters is the choice of my potential partners and the emotional and physical environment they provided. Had my mother chosen a regular relationship and a better future for me, I might have had a more stable and successful life. The environment and the supportive family were the most important factors in my upbringing.

Ultimately, the decision to keep me and the actions that followed, rather than the circumstances of my birth, shaped my life. Despite the challenges, my parents provided me with the love, support, and guidance I needed to grow into the person I am today.